Suicide.

About two months ago, my friend hung himself. No one expected it. It's always the ones you least expect it from. He was such a smart kid and one of the most caring people I have ever met in my life. I don't think i've ever heard anything negative come out of his mouth, and everything was always positive with him until one morning we woke up and heard the news. He lived about 5-7 minutes away from me just like everyone from our junior high and high school did. Everyone in our community is super close and we are truly all like one big family.

Wednesday, June 6th, 2018 was the day my friend, Bobby, decided he had lived long enough. I woke up to the news of everyone posting it on their snapchat stories, and I was so shook up when I first found out because I was so confused. One of my closest friends was also really close to Bobby. My first thought after registering what happened was to text her. She was at our friends house who lives very close to me, so I asked if I could pick the three of them up and go to his house. A bunch of people were there and his friends were going to visit his mom, dad, and his brother who I had just met in May at his graduation. Right next to his house, to the right, is a line of trees and after that is a gazebo and a little neighborhood park with a little field. He did it on the line of trees. They cut down the tree the day of and replaced it with a cross that was filled with signatures front, back, and sideways. He was loved by so many people it was crazy. Seeing his mom was heartbreaking. She is such a sweet and selfless person. One of the first things she told us was, "I'm sorry for your loss." I felt terrible for her and she didn't deserve the pain she was feeling. After we were there for a while, we got back in the car and we all just continued to cry.

Two days later, I went back with three of my other friends. There were so many people sitting around his cross. That went on for weeks. One week later, was his funeral. His service was different than any other funeral I had ever been to, and believe it or not i've been to more funerals due to suicide than any other cause. Just the December before, someone else in our grade committed suicide. I wasn't really close with him, but at his funeral I was a mess just like everyone else. His funeral was basically just his family and friends going up front and sharing memories. They made it funny which I was happy about. After the funeral, they had a candle lighting planned at Bobby's house. We were there the whole day until 9:30 PM. All of his friends were there for his family and each other. I literally made close friends out of this tragedy and everyone grew closer as a whole. Someone who I had just snap chatted with and face timed with when my close friend was over, became one of my best friends, my go-to, and the person I talked to 24/7. I truly live by the quote, "everything happens for a reason", but there was no reason behind this and I wish this never happened.

You might be wondering why i'm writing this over two months after, and my reason is because he has been on my mind all day. There is so much going on in the people around us and most of us don't even know it. A few weeks ago, I had a regular dream with nothing crazy out out of the ordinary going on, but I felt suicide in my dream like in my thoughts. A day or two later, I found out my neighbor was planning on killing herself just days after. Then the week after, my friend's mom hung herself. My friend was in a relationship with Bobby at the time he did this. Just two months later, her mom killed herself in the same way and I could never wish the pain she must be feeling upon anyone else. I'm writing all of this because too many people are dying when they don't have to, and I hate to see this happen so much in the world.

This doesn't have to continue happening. There are people all around you who you can talk to. Even if it feels like they could never possibly understand what your feeling, they love you and they can help you find happiness again and overcome the battles your facing. You can talk to your friends, your family, or someone anonymous. Talking about it may seem extremely hard and a big step to take, but I know it can save people's lives. If you ever feel this way or like you're not worth living, please talk to someone around you and seek advice. I doubt anyone will judge you. People do care about you even if it doesn't feel like it.

If you would like to speak to someone anonymous, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

1-800-273-8255